Why This Matters

Waiting requires tolerating a gap between wanting something and getting it, which is genuinely uncomfortable, especially for a child still developing that tolerance. Without direct practice, the fastest and easiest response to that discomfort is often protest, which is exactly what waiting is supposed to prevent.

How to Teach It

  • Start absurdly small. Literally 3 to 5 seconds, and build up gradually from there as it gets easier.
  • Use a visible or audible marker for the wait. A timer or counting out loud, so it's not an open-ended unknown.
  • Reward the wait itself, not just what comes after it. “You waited so nicely!” while handing over the item.
  • Practice during easy, low-stakes moments. Not just the hardest ones, like waiting for a turn on something high-value.
A five-second wait, done successfully, is a bigger win than it looks like.

What Not to Do

  • Don't start with long waits for high-value items, that's setting the skill up to fail before it's built.
  • Don't extend the wait once it's started, even if it goes smoothly, that erodes trust in the timer or the promise.
  • Don't give in early because the waiting got hard, that teaches that protest shortens the wait.
Try This

“Wait” plus a visible timer for just a few seconds, followed immediately by the item and enthusiastic praise the moment the timer ends: “You waited! Here you go.”

Building It Up

  • Increase the wait time slowly, a few seconds longer every few successful tries, not all at once.
  • Vary what they're waiting for, so the skill generalizes rather than only working for one specific thing.
  • If a wait goes badly, shorten the next one rather than abandoning the practice altogether.

Making Waiting Part of Everyday Life

  • Use natural waiting moments that already happen, a microwave timer, a red light, a turn in a game, as practice, not just planned drills.
  • Narrate your own waiting out loud sometimes, so they see it modeled: “I'm waiting for the water to boil.”
  • Keep celebrating small waits even once bigger ones are possible, it keeps the skill strong.
This guide is educational and general in nature. It isn't a substitute for individualized guidance from your child's BCBA, therapist, pediatrician, or other provider, if you're working with one, they know your child's specific triggers and history best.